"Mike Tyson baptises his pigeons in Fiji Water and calls it self-care.
One of them’s wearing a tiny gold chain and refuses to make eye contact.
I DM’d it my tight five and it left me on “seen.”
The Man Behind The Tee
Founder. T-shirt Guy. Comedian (Unpaid)
Well he got paid one time but who's counting.
Hayden Brown is a stand-up comic from Tāmaki Makaurau, Auckland, known for telling jokes about Fiji Water, Mike Tyson’s pigeons, and that guy Malcolm, who had a penis on his arm (yep, that actually happened — Google it, or don’t).
When he’s not sweating on stage at a local comedy night or heckling from his couch during Kill Tony, he’s either designing t-shirts that confuse people — or yelling at the Warriors like they can hear him through the screen. He bleeds black and teal (and probably beer), and yes, he still believes this is our year — every year.
Hayden’s comedy is somewhere between Eddie Murphy in the '80s, a Speight’s-fuelled yarn at the pub, and that moment where you realise you’ve said the quiet part out loud. He’s 100% committed to Mike Tyson’s pigeon obsession, despite being absolutely terrified of birds himself. He once nearly threw his beer across the room when a sparrow flew into a pub and was only saved from certain death by his lightning-quick reflexes and a commando role under the table. The irony is not lost on him.
He also hosts the Hayden Brown Podcast on Spotify — a chaotic blend of fishing yarns, hot takes, and unfiltered nonsense that somehow makes sense if you listen long enough (or drink during).
This whole store started as a half-joke after a few pints, and now it’s a full-blown operation fuelled by irony, starbucks lattes, and bad decisions. It’s for people who like weird, bold, side-eye-inducing gear — and who know that the best political statement might just be confusing the hell out of everyone around you.
Thanks for rolling with the chaos. Stay weird. Back the Wahs.
— Hayden